Home Is Where The Ship Is

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Friday, March 1, 2013

The Water Cooler Effect

Balloon Tycoon- On The World Cruise


An embarrassment of coconuts, is my idiom that means an overabundance of the good life, and  too much of a good thing---the exquisite taste of solitary freedom, cruising around the world. Patience is a virtue for the sedentary life; waiting for the right time to visit a sun drenched elsewhere,and moderation is a only a virtue if you thought to have  no other alternative.

Yet, Cruising is when laziness and slack finds respectability,similar to my experience acting. It has become a permanently self-enlarging experience because it keeps me  in the "just now" mode, the  present moment that  is a major component to wellness. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yes in yesterday. 

The "gig" life style is not something you acquire. It is something you tune into.The act of leaving is the bravest and most beautiful of all.  The ship has been  my gathering spot,  the focus of congregation and casual discussion, my water cooler. I used to think working on cruise ships was bad, but I stopped thinking- I guess I have ship for brains!


Give me you pale, your pasty and your King-Crab-Salmon-lacking masses-Bring it on

Karaoke Cruising : Daring to Be Different in a Copycat Retail World 

Nobody Likes Plastic Flowers


I sell stuff on ships. In this business  Imperfection is real, authentic and in fact you have to learn to love an imperfect situation-perfectly. Alll Boats leak!  Let's just call plans what they are: guesses.

Cruise Ship Service is about downplaying the negatives and creating the illusion of perfection. The FOH (front of the house) is all things to all people. Now that I am finally traveling as a guest , I DO like to be served, but invisibly.

Yet as a BMW, Bald Man Working on ship with Guest Status, you are always on stage- Like Disney World -Mickey cant take his head off ever  on this floating hotels, you are the United Nations Ambassador, and the whole passenger manifest become non-persons and are granted an ethical equivalent of diplomatic immunity. Anything goes. No judgments. On land you keep both eyes open, at sea one eye closed.

When the going gets tough the tough turn pro-losing their soul. They seem robotic. Forget mission statements. Make Mantras: I Skip pro and Go Genuine.


I Don’t lead sheep. I Herd Cats. Long Lists Don't work. When creating live, informative and fun events on board, quick usually wins.Most challenges  are best served with simple, mundane solutions. I keep my ambition in check and don't try to be a hero.

 I always need less than I think- It's more about resourcefulness than resources for pulling off an event because there's never enough to go around. Not enough time. Not enough money. Not enough people. It forces you to get REAL and find creative solutions, with bad weather, change of venues or whatever the planning grid didn't plan for.

The reality of a 14 day cruise  is a terrible collaborator. No matter how much you try to work with it, it has a mind of its own. And it never listens to you!

The speed of the cruise changes everything. Like milk with an expiration date stamped to the carton, I have two or three sea days to sell ice cubes before they melt....and the cool thing is I get to do it all over again on embark/debark day with 3000 new PAXs.These "Constraints" are often advantages in disguise.

In order to make sales targets, The temptation to spam, sending out  bulk flyers (cabin drops)  is a way of panicing. It’s an impersonal, imprecise, inexact approach. You’re merely throwing crap against the wall to see if it sticks.

Hand-written notes, calls or F2F face to face are better. Instead of outdoing the PSG (Port and Shopping Guide),I am often  under doing.Given, the PSG is the competition. S/he wants everybody to buy off the ship and I want everyone to buy on the ship.Who cares what the competition is doing? It's not a win-or-lose battle. Their profits and costs are theirs. Mine  are mine.



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