The Grass IS Greener @ Saint Andrews

Betteroff Scotland

Weighing in at 140 Pounds Sterling, I am not T'd off as I got some religion from The Patron Saint of Golf, Andrew. In The United States of Total Consciousness-The Carl Spangler Cinderella Story continues.

Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!

Too cold to do the no shirt and no shoes John Daly thing. Checked in, however, with Ty Webb, Judge Smails, and Al Czervik. Lacey couldn't make it this time.

Visible Origami: My World is a Rumor, Formed from the Daydreams of Caddyshack...

So I jump ship in Oahu and I make my way over to Scotland, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the highlands.

Angie D'Annunzio: A looper?

A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier.

Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga.

So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know."

And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness."

So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

It''s a hybrid. A cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.